wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
