Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
