Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize