I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
