One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
