We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
