saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
