I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
