after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
