she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
