It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize