He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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