Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
