There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
