you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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