I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
