Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
