Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize