My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Buhtt sex?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
