I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
