Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
