i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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