Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
