Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
