she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
now i know why i became what i already was.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
