ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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