writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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