I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
