i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
