If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She announced her abortion via fbk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
