So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
