i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
