The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
