Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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