so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
