She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
