The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize