So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
