my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
