I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
