whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
