one might say we're banned from that church
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
