I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
