Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
