he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
