great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
