dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
