I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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