I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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