put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
