Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
