You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
