At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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