The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
