that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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