I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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