I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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