she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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