Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
