We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
