party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
