oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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