I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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