Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
