I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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