Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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