i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
