Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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