This is not my ceiling
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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