Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
