My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
