Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
