My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
