I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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