we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
