You're completely useless in the revolution.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
