Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
