every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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