if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
