She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
