we made out on top of his cat.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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