Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
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