I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
