Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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