yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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