All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
