omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
