Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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