so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
