I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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