just tell him i said nine months
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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