You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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