Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
