High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
