Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
