Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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